LTD – Live The Dream. As the sun fades behind the hills here in Phoenix we all felt the need to share the story, and perhaps rub it in a little, about Day One in this glorious hole. I’ll admit honestly that the weather wasn’t perfect, it was only 26 degrees with a nice cool Alberta wind (haha), with that said our pasty white bodies just about took a sun burn beating but we were lucky enough to realize it and made haste with some suntan lotion and a quick recovery with our T-Shirts. Even now Zims and Stilly are continuing to live the dream and trying to sexually molest some hummingbirds with their cameras. Ah yes, life is tough.
The Morning
Being in an airport most of yesterday made things a little tough so we tried to calm our nerves with an early morning breakfast consisting of bacon, eggs, toast, and of course beer and Motts Clamatojourno. It was a sharp start to the day and Stilly never suffered the after effects like the previous day when he enjoyed a five meat skillet in Edmonton. The battle shits competition in the Edmonton Airport should never be talked about but in all honesty it was to close to call so we will be uploading a photo finish for the fans to declare a winner.
Back on topic.
Our hostess for the week had said she wasn’t going to buy us any more beer because we had to finish what was left of the Coors Light in the fridge. My first thought was we would probably have our hands full but I quickly sobered up and realized that we’re alcoholics and no matter what the population of beer in the fridge it would be gone that night. Sure enough two lone soldiers remained the next morning which were promptly KO’d through breakfast.
With no army to back us we had to find some recruits. Thus our next stop would be the local Safeway. Now if you’ve never had the priviledge of visiting the United States your liver is probably a lot better off but if you have you know full well what I’m talking about. No matter how many times I’ve been here it still brings a giddy school girl laugh to think I can buy a flat of beer (bottles) for under 20 bucks. It quickly became apparent that our philosophy was to buy one each and prepare for war…the battle lines had been drawn. Bud Light vs Miller Lite vs the seasoned vet, Budweiser. I’m not entirely sure who’s winning but it can’t be Bud Light because Im sitting here typing this trying to make everyone feel a little less happy.
Zims Chiling By the Pooladerci
The Afternoon
Not wanting to feel like slobs most of the day it felt right to get some exercise in. Off to the swimming pool we went, next to the 3 flats of beer being 60 bucks the second greatest news of the day was that you could now get waited on while soaking. A brisk 20 minute walk, a quick tour around the complex, a shriek from some of the ladies by the pool when I removed my shirt, and we then commenced to soaking with a beer in hand.
Being the complete creep he is it didn’t take Stilly long to spot what is now being dubbed as “Momjourno”, better known to people who aren’t fluent in Italian as a MILF. Endless hours of creep staring and wondering is she actually checking us out lead Stilly to lean over and say “It seems like she is always looking over here, is she checking us out or maybe she’s just catching me creep staring”, to which I responded “No Stilly, it just looks that way because she has sunglasses on.” That didn’t stop us from feverishly watching her adjust her massive boobjournos…we’re quite confident we seen some tan lines and a nipple.
At 3pm however her 6 and 14 year old had to leave because of the strict pool curfew…away she went leaving us bonerjournoed in the pool never to see her again. Typical broad! Tease!
Thankfully we closed down the pool with last call and proceeded to stumble home.
Miller Lite’s By The Pool
The Evening
Which leads us to this moment. After having pounded many hot dogs and hamburglers we kicked back to par take in the ever so popular (and liver killer) sunset. It’s 7:45 pm Phoenix time and the war has just began to reach it’s climatic peak. The battle lines have been drawn and the chemical warfare has began, striking first it was Stilly who just blew a burp into my face. I will answer with some arrividerci gas.
The Sun has set, the crickets are cricketing, we’re listening to some really weird music with the desert dogs howling in the background at some cranky owl.
Breaking NEWS Stilly is sun burnt.
All in all it was a pretty enjoyable first day. That being said it was only the first day. Tomorrow involves much of the same with a side plate of golfaderci. Many balls will be lost, many beers will be drank, and you can sure as hell bet the poor golf cart girl will be creep stared heavily only to tease us and leave us with golf pant bonerjournos.
BROAD!
Till Next time.
PS: It’s Miller Time
The post Phoenix Day 1, LTD appeared first on HotstickyBun.